Post -1: Pack Your Things We're Getting the Hell Out of Here!

I've decided to move the blog over to wordpress:

http://lightmattstoybox.wordpress.com/


Today's quote: [You already got your quote of the day.]

Post 13: Thats Improper! But Sexy...

While I was trying to overcome my cold I've magical obtained out of nowhere, A friend of mine from Xbox Live told me about how in Japan sex in public is common. (I don't have my facts here by the way.) So, my perverted side kicked in and I began thinking about what if it happened here in America? Here's a situation:

I went to the store last week, looking for some chips. (I was hungry.) Upon arrival I made my way around the maze of food towards the back. In the frozen-food section I saw a couple fucking each other like it was the end of world. (Not to mention they must have forgotten they were in the frozen-food section.) The woman was moaning like the was a SUV in there. Interest at its highest (For the two who were having sex next to me, I mean.) I began to shuffle through the sausage packs as if I was looking for a a specific brand. Nearing climax one of the stock-boys began to interupt my fun and asked if he could assist me with anything. I had to think fast without looking too stupid, so I said, "Yeah, I'm looking for those...uh...Chicken Cock Links?" After that left my mouth I understood the strange look on the worker's face, but none the less he played along and looked with me. (Maybe he's into the same thing I was.) Anyways that day was a good day.

Today's quote: Lightmatt once said: "BA-LU-GA-CHU!!" <--Don't know what this means? Play Left 4 dead with me and see what happens when I'm a boomer.

Post 12: I'm the Middle-Aged Man with no Fingers Trying to open a Pepsi

One of the most annoying things I have ever had to put up with is going a day/meal/or when I'm just plain thirsty without some soda. Let's put it like this:

Let's say I'm visiting some one's house for something, and the host offers me a drink. I request either a Pepsi, Coca-Cola, or Mountain Dew. The host says something along the lines of, "Oh sorry, don't have that. Would Dr. Pepper do?"

Okay, let me start by saying, "No, Dr. Fuck Pepper does not make a good substitute!" Secondly what the hell, most people I've met and made a visit to their home have nothing but Sprite, Sierra Mist, Dr. Pepper, or 7up. I have nothing against these sodas, (Besides me hating them.) but come on people is it that hard to have something else.

At this point, I have denied the offer and went without a drink. (Oh, did I forget to mention that I haven't had a drink all day?) So I'm just sitting there thirsty as hell and the only to drink in their house is those sodas I mentioned earlier and water; so now I decided to hurry things up and get out so I can get to the store a buy a drink. In conjuction with that, after I leave the host thinks I'm a jackass and never invites me over again.

So based on that, what did we learn today children? Thats right! Always have extra soda on hand or else get ready to see your guest to leave in a hurry.

Today's Quote: Lightmatt once said: "Whatever signs your papers..."

Post 11: This Relationship Sucks!

Today I began thinking about my high school years and remembered the #1 question I was asked: "Why don't you have a girlfriend?" The answer is simple, I'd break up with her the next day. Why? Because of my personality. The one thing that might annoy me the most would be the fact she might ask too many questions. Let's observe what my answer would be if she ask me a few questions.

Q: Do these pants make my butt look big?

My Answer: Does it matter? I'm just glad you're wearing pants today.

Q: Why won't you get tested for STD's?

My Answer: Does this have something to do with that weird rash in your crotch?

Q: It's our 1-day anniversary, what did you get me?

My Answer: A divorce.

Q: You haven't IM'd me all day, why?

My Answer: Sorry, I was busy posting this.

Q: Do you like me?

My Answer: I like to have sex with you.

Q: Why won't you look my in the eye when we're making love?

My Answer: Because I don't want to see the evil in your eyes.

Today's Quote: Lightmatt once said, "Ki-yon~"

Post 10: That man, I believe he be a Assassin!

In Assassin's Creed its made known what consists of the assassin's code of conduct, but what about the guard's code of conduct? Well, I did some digging and found this lost document about their creed and this is how it is read.

1. If I can't see you, I don't know you. (Its means I'm blind.)

2. I shall not draw my blade to harm the innocent. (Let the bad guys do that for me.)

3. I shall not question the scholars, even if one of them has a knife on his back. (1 and 2 combined.)

4. Hay piles, roof huts, and benches are NO-NO zones. (witness someone jumping into one of these, just pretend you didn't see them.)

5. I shall enforce the speed limit of 0.5 miles per hour and chase any who dare defy it. (until I get tired of running.)

6. There's no such thing as an Assassin's Bureau. (That's would be stupid.)

7. Letting your prey know that God is on your side shows that you're a total badass (Be sure to shout this as loud as you can.)

8. If someone attempts to escape by climbing on the walls like a spider throw rocks at him. (Who cares whose home I'm making a dent in.)

9. Never blame anyone for murder. (Even if he's wearing white and carrying a blood-soaked blade with him and standing right next to the body.)

10. Fight in great numbers! Chances are the guy you're chasing is a total pussy and will be both impressed and scared. (It's not like he's an assassin or anything.)

Today's quote: Lightmatt once said while playing Left 4 Dead: [Smoker's tongue attacks Lightmatt] "Hey! Hey guys! I'm being lickitung'd!!"

Post 9: Ahh!! I got the...Anchorage!!

After playing Fallout 3's Operation Anchorage I begun thinking; what's up with the the name Anchorage? So to sum it up Fallout 3 style, gather around the campfire and I shall spin ye a tale about a disease called, "ANCHORAGE!!".

Long ago before the Chinese invasion, there was a horrible disease running a muck in the Capital Wastelands; its name was "Anchorage". Around 2024-ish Anchorage infected several people, (mostly old people), and created chaos among their fellow man. Some the common effects of Anchorage include: A need to be out in the cold snow (even if there isn't any snow to be found), a need to be an American hero (followers of the Enclave are what we call, "Anchorage in the early stages"), talking in a angry-tone (probably because there was no snow.), and a need to strip their clothes off. (Even in snow). Anyways, the infected cause trouble around town, ruins, etc. and were often exiled from other people. So, somwhere around the basepark of 50 years or so, the Brotherhood of Steel began to "relocate" the infected to a desserted area in Alaska and dumped them there to forever deal with the disease forever, with each other. The area would later be named after the disease.

So, if you're ever running around in Anchorage, be aware of the dangers of the infected.

Today's quote: Lightmatt once said:"Apple-pie! Apple-pie! Everybody loves that apple-pie! Yeehaw!!"

Post 8: Philips puts the Go in "Go F**k yourself"

Today I wanted to talk about one the objects in my possession that pisses me off. It started when my Sony PSP started to break down on me and I could no longer use it as a MP3 player. (Grr...) So, I requested my parents get me a somewhat new MP3 player during Black Friday. (Too bad I wasn't specific about what kind.) Then, during the week of Christmas I finally got my hands on the new MP3 player, it was a Philips 2GB GoGear player. At first I was like, "Cool! I finally got the damn thing!" However, after a few weeks of using this thing I got freaking sick of this freaking piece of garbage. Let's examine the GoGear.

Starting with the appearance, the Philips GoGear is...small; with a X amount of inches high and wide screen. (About a 1.5 of a posting stamp.) Along with a small screen the GoGear is equip with a approx. 7 buttons and a hold switch. (No power switch = Not good MP3 player) To to turn on the device you must press and hold the center button. (What Philips never told me is that you will fail to do this alot, and will end up bashing the button.)

If you have yours on finally, (Took me seven button pushes to get it on), we will now take a look at the interface and all its functions. First off, the interface in general looks, decent. Second off, I have nothing against most of the functions, however, to use some of these features require you to use some strage button input. (Like to Add song to playlist: Right, right, right <--- This should be change to something like: Down, Down-right, Right, Enter; so it won't confuse me trying to skip songs for adding them to my playlist of doom.) The volume is pretty touchy, you can go from soft to freaking loud if you even look at the volume button funny.

Next is the other features included. You're allowed to view pictures and videos, but that always goes back to phase, "You are able to...,but why would you?" ; with a mini-screen why would you even bother putting pictures and video on it if you can barely see what you're watch? Also you're able to make mic recordings but there isn't a mic to be found. (Lamest idea ever.)

In conclusion, if you're looking for a cheap MP3 player don't bother getting a GoGear, or else the GoGear is going in the garbage a week later.

Today's quote: Lightmatt once said: "You'll die of hungry!"

Post 7: Now thats comedy!

Today I don't have anything real to post so I felt I should let you manga fans who like comedy mangas about two mangas that take logic in a different light:

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei
http://www.onemanga.com/Sayonara_Zetsubou_Sensei/

This manga is very funny in taking common thought and turning it upside down.

Cromartie High School
http://www.mangafox.com/page/manga/series/744/cromartie_high_school/

This manga is simply stupid in a good way, explore the halls of Cromartie High School and meet weird characters.

Today's Quote: Lightmatt once said: "Blah, Blah, Blah, you talking..."

Post 6: Cooking animes with Lightmatt

Today's dish of text-based horror is the making and serving of what is the average anime. For this dish you'll need the following:

-Animator
-A pot full of Story plot
-A bag of Fan service
-Sliced Funky fighting styles
-A jar of bad guys
-Exposed Boobs (at least a boxful)
-A bottle of Love stories that never work out
-An emo-like character (optional)
-And the "Blood, gore, giant swords, energy blast" variety mix.

LET'S GET COOKING!

-Step 1: Heat the animator to at least 30 to 35 FPS for about 24 minutes.

-Step 2: Once the animator is warmed up, place the pot of story plot onto the animator.

-Step 3: Crush a bag of fan service and pour it into the pot.

-Step 4: Wait for the plot to boil, (If filler-season steam begins to arise, don't worry it is perfectly normal.) then throw in your sliced funky fighting styles.

-Step 5: Leave the animator on low for about 10 minutes. In the meantime, prepare the box of boobs by pulling off the bras.

-Step 6: Add the boobs. (One at a time!)

-Step 7: Add a dash of "Love stories that never work out". (To spice up this dish add more and throw in the emo-like character; for bitter taste

-Step 8: Strain the excess plot and place what is left in a bowl

-Step 9: Perpare a second bowl and add to it nothing but the "Blood, gore, giant swords, energy blast" variety mix. (Then Stir for 4 minutes.)

-Step 10: Get out serving plate and combine both bowl together. (And there you have it!)

Well that is all the time I have for today, see you guys next time.

Today's quote: Lightmatt once said while playing search and destory on Call of Duty 4: "[The bomb blows up] Oh yeah! Now thats home-cooking!"

Post 5: Zombies: "They punch and bite" aka Mike Tyson.

Today I wanted to compare and contrast two kinds of zombies in video games. Our examples come from Capcom's baby-boomer Resident Evil series and Valve's horror movie powerhouse Left 4 dead.

Likes:
-The horde of the undead are shown to have a gray skin tone.(not enough fiber in their diets)

-They have a need to harm living humans. (there must be some kind of zombie 101 class or something)

-Bullets burn them. (Unless its a BB gun, in that case RUN!)

-They forget all forms of human behavior. (Though it would be weird meeting a zombie who says, "Pardon me sir, but I'm very hungry and must feast upon your neck.)

-They're normally not naked! (God, that would be disgusting. It also reminds me of zombie strippers; at least they're distracted with taking their clothes off, then again I would be too...)

Dislikes:
-Capcom's zombies move slow and gives the player no problem preparing a shot. (Hell, they'll even get in line for you to decorate their heads with bullets.) Valve's zombies, on the other hand, move as swift as a lion jumping over any and all things just to get near you. (Note to self: don't wear TAG during a zombie attack.)

-Capcom's zombies bite your neck and sometimes your crotch. (Zombies have needs too I guess.) While Valve's elite track team veterans will run up to you and start beating you up for your lunch money. (Seriously, if you took Rocky from the first movie and made him try to survive that kind of zombie horde, he would look exactly the same as he did at the end of the first movie, minus more teeth.)

-Capcom's zombies always knows with you are at all times, even when you don't think they do. (They can see through walls!) Valve's track team will normally take break from running and sit down and ignore you. (Hell, they even vomit on the floor because they were running for too long.)

That's all the time I have today, see you guys next time!

Today's quote: Lightmatt once said: "Congratulations! You have been assassinated!"

Post 4: Introducing the NFL's #1 football team the "Fallout Mirelurks!"

I haven't been home all day so I was thinking about what I was going to post about today. Well, I got to thinking (Me thinking is a freaking rare moment in history) and I remembered the the new Fallout 3 DLC came out today. So, I was downloading it and during the downtime of waiting for the download to finsh, I decided to play a bit of Fallout 3 to get ready for the new adventure. 10 minutes later, I figured out what I wanted to post about today; what if the mirelurks from Fallout 3 wasn't a group of crab-like things the pitched away your health, but instead a group of football players? Let's examine this idea for a while.

First off, mirelurk football players would have the ultimate offense and defense since tackling one them suckers will just end with you missing a arm or your man-hood. Second, their back shells make great advertising space! (Just think of how many logos stickers that different companies would slap on the back of a mirelurk. That's right! None, why? Refer back to what happens if you tackle one of them.) However, since mirelurks are crab-like things and have claws, not hands, catching a ball or even throwing one will be a major problem for the poor creatures. In conclusion, for you football coaches looking for powerful defense and offense just hire a mirelurk or two and make some damn use out them so they'll stop chopping my limbs off!

Today's quote: Lightmatt once said: "Your ass is mine for a $1.50 and a box of chicken!"

Post 3: Please look the other way. Achievements may melt your eyes

Today I wanted to talk a little more about my video game idea. Previously, I stated what kind of game it would be and now I'm gonna discuss a few achievements that will more than likely be embedded into the game:

Achievements:

First impressions don't last ???G
Description:
Solved the "Welcome Party!" case.


Farewell! Mr. Dishonorable Warrior ???G
Description:
Solved the "Dancing Swords in the Mist" case.

Clumsy Detective 10G
Description:
Solved a case with a -D or higher.

I know what I'm doing! 15G
Description:
Solved a case with a +A.

Math Genius ???G
Description:
Solved the "Murder=Murder" case without the help of anwser books.

Just to name a few. More later.

Today's Quote: Lightmatt once said while playing Left 4 Dead [Hunter jumps on Lightmatt] "Oh God! I being titty-twistered!!"

Post 2: Ideas are like ice-cream, they'll disappear over time.

Today, I decided to talk about ideas for my first video game. At first, I wanted to make a third-person shooter based on my hometown; Monroeville, Alabama, but then again, the first and third-person shooters are taking over the gaming market, I've been thinking about a new look for the genre of said game.

I'm thinking about making a mystery game based around Monroeville, with a series of murder cases where you, Tim Samson ace detective, must solve to solve a much larger case involving a serial killer only known as Mr. Top Hat, for the only notable feature about him, his jet-black top hat signifying that he prefers the traditional murder method over a violent gore pool of blood.

The game will have around the ballpark of 30 long cases to insure the player won't be done with the game in a matter of a few days, all packed in a sandbox Monroeville where you can explore the town and interact with the townpeople to obtain information for current and future cases.

Well that's all I can tell you about the idea for now. I'll post more info when I can think of some.

Today's Quote: Lightmatt's once said: "These crackers are so good, they'll have sex in your mouth!"

Post 1: The surface of my playthings

Starting today, I've decided to start a blog expressing the my views, posting tutorials about various things, and crap I can post to waste my time.

At the end of each post I will be posting one of my random quotes. (Hope you enjoy these.)

Today's Quote: Lightmatt once said: "Take that America!"